Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Here's the silly thing

Remember how I had resolved to go to bed at 11 this week? Well last night my movie ended at about 10:45, came in, checked email, posted, all done at 11:02. So one should go to bed, correct? I'm so proud of myself that I decide to check the IMDB listing for Ridicule, then I check the IMDB listing for Flushed Away that I watched this weekend. THEN I read the comments on Flushed Away (for which I have to log in) because it had a lot of inside jokes and I wanted to see some lists. Instead I read the post of some idiot who "can't understand why they would make a film starring rats, slugs and toads," esp. as "women hate rats." There's a huge line of people all posting to tell him what an idiot he is, that a) it's not just women who hate rats, b) that many women DON'T hate or fear rats c) this is a cute film with anthropomorphic creatures, not REAL rats. I had not yet posted on IMDB at all, just lurked even though I been irked by a variety of comments. But this one sent me through the roof. I add my two cents about how all children's movies with animals as characters are about humans and human foibles, but redressed in animal form to highlight the points, and has he never read Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS! Then I check his other posts and discover he's posted almost the same topic over at Ratatouille, a Pixar flick that hasn't even come out yet. Add my two cents to that.

Now, here's what I'm trying to understand about myself. Why on earth did that post make me SOOOO angry that I had to chime in, even though what I had to say had pretty much already been said (albeit not as eloquently--if I do say so myself ^_^) Was it just that? Ego. A need to be heard? If that were true I'd be posting everywhere. A need to break a resolution and NOT go to bed when I said I would, thus continuing a cycle of self-defeating behavior? A while back I posted this:
Why does there have to be people like Heather...
on the egos out there that just seem to live to go on boards of things they dislike and trash people. I try not to do that. I trash things I don't like on boards where I've been invited and here, but I am often moved to defend things, esp. if the argument against is not a question of taste, but a question of knowledge or lack thereof. Do I think I'm going to convert people? Start a discussion? I don't expect that and yet there I am behaving irrationally--as though I were caught up in some sort of road rage (board rage). There's maybe once a year that I lose it irrationally in that way beyond my ranting in front of my husband and maybe a few close friends. I'm not proud when I do it. One time we had just come back from a two hour trip. We were within blocks of our house and a guy waiting at an intersection in front of us backed his car into the front of our car. I got out and just started shrieking at him like a harpy. "What are you an idiot? High? How dare you?" I was not the person I wanted to be or generally am. Lately I've found myself doing it a little bit on the phone with unruly vendors and it scares me. Irrational anger is generally misplaced and I don't know what I'm misplacing it from...

Tonight I can either work on a poem, read some more of Moby-Dick or read a play in which I will be reading a character on Saturday. All are frightening in different ways. None are essential (as in must do them tonight). Let's see which fear wins out...

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