Skip to main content


Showing posts from May, 2007

An anniversary of sorts

I've hit 100 posts since I began to post (on average) every day. Wow. I have to say it is helping (slowly) to improve my discipline. To have this thing which I look at everyday and write in at least once a week. I realized today that exercise has become something I miss when I don't do it. The food discipline hasn't been as hard as I feared and I can see it becoming habit. Bit by bit. I'm trying to decide if I should start to organize posts--group the book reviews (which I haven't done for awhile), the movie reviews, the personal navel gazing so that if anyone is interested in one thing it would be easy for them to see them all. We shall see.

More on Isabella Blow

According to The Week it was suicide by weed killer (not OD as earlier reported) probably in reaction to her ovarian cancer. And that she had attempted it before, last year leaping from a bridge. How sad, and yet I can't condemn her. This too is very Vile Bodies and Bright Young Things.

...The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge

You're up and then you're down

Warning: this is more panicked and personal than I usually let myself be here, but I'm trying to figure something out, and isn't that what journals are for? Well, I heard back from the guy for whom I did the costumes and they really aren't working.  I'm sending back the money less expenses.  I will say this, his email was very fair--not personally insulting or irrational (like my last run in with a director from the fall).  He focused on what had gone wrong--took some responsibility for communication and didn't ask for the money back.  The only thing that really stung was that he said he should have asked for a portfolio as if I were an amateur.  And then I think, well, maybe I am.  It hearkens back to what I said below--I LET SOMEONE DOWN.  I don't know if it was unavoidable--well, not taking the job, obviously, but beyond that?? He did say that I said I could do it and then didn't deliver and I will stand by what I said below.  What I did would have worked…

If I did the things I think of doing when I thought of them...

Well, I'd be somewhere else, that's for sure. I sent an email to a woman who was trained as an Industrial Designer today.  She responded INSTANTLY and we're going out for sushi on Thursday and she's willing to look at my portfolio (which would be great if I had more than a collection of pictures XD).  Now, I've had her business card for AT LEAST 6 months, maybe more.  And you know why I put it aside and didn't email her then, two days after I met her?  Because I was going to get everything all PERFECT in order to make networking calls, etc.  Jeez...

Ha Ha

Don't you hate it when I'm down to the end of the month and creating filler posts?

I really do have legitimate posts on:

Castle in the Sky--Miyazaki (It's about a spunky girl who finds inner reserves of strength while battling the power mad and discovering that crazy old ladies are not as crazy or bad as they seem--but the power mad always are--Miyazaki fans know that I just described most of his films)

Notes on a Scandal--not as good as I would have liked and how come we were never told about the lesbian overtone in America? Total trivia--Cate, Dame Judy and Anne-Marie Duff (cameo at end) have all played Queen Elizabeth I--deliberate?

On Chesil Beach--Ian McEwan. Wow, he just keeps getting better and better and he started out pretty good.

Maybe by noting them I'll make myself pick them up and run with them--esp. now that the TV season is over.


I know I promised that essay on taste and why we have it, yonks ago and it's getting longer and more cluttered in my head until it shall either blow up or fall out onto the paper, and this is not it. Matt has a small (v. small) treatise on "Your Love" by The Outfield and I'd been thinking of the song that most sums me up for awhile now. (For the record, Matt, I always thought the singer was a jerk--my girlfriend's away and I'm lonely so come do me. *_*, but the guitar hook is nice).

Suspended in Gaffa--Kate Bush

Out in the garden
There's half of a heaven,
And we're only bluffing.
We're not ones for busting through walls,
But they've told us
Unless we can prove
That we're doing it,
We can't have it all.

He's gonna wangle
A way to get out of it.
She's an excuse
And a witness who'll talk when he's called.
But they've told us
Unless we can prove
That we're doing it,
We can't have it all.

We can't have it all.

"I caught a…

Isn't it weird when it's in the air

My friend B and I were discussing how Hyde in the most recent L'Arc video seems to have learned his dance moves from 80's videos and I said that I had never realized how much Hyde wanted to be Pete Burns of Dead or Alive (witness the hair, an eye patch in a live version, etc.). Strangely "Separated by a Common Language" refers to Dead or Alive in reference to the uses/misuses of Round vs. Around. She has some links to the videos.

Why we don't have children (or a nice house or investments or other grown-up stuff)

My husband and I are actually about 6 years old. While tidying and putting away winter clothes today he came across a box of unopened Invader Zim figures. He must have put them away with the intention of giving me some of them for Christmas. We had a perfectly silly evening opening them and playing (yes, playing) with them--ooh, put the Germs Zim in the living room set! Where's the Germs Gir?" We put them up on the TV and laughed every time we looked up. Well, it brings us joy. :D


Weight is steady, maybe a pound down, but the measurements are better which they always say is a better indicator of progress. Broke down and had ice cream out on Sunday after stressful meeting with costume commission. Did skip dessert for rest of day(and lunch) so not too worried about it. Also drank soda on Saturday working on costumes as it WAS SO HOT!

Busy, busy weekend, busy day. Had brought work home--did that for several hours (preparations for leaving), put together half a newsletter (waiting on pictures), tidied though dust still lies heavy on everything. Even sewed a little.

It's daft, that I put off doing things because I do feel so good once I've begun them, and often think, "Gee, that was easier than I expected. Why did I wait so long." Unfortunately it also makes me think of the million things that I wish were done and organized--the "how did I let my life get into this state," syndrome. I could work on projects for days and days and ne…

New Job

So I have a new job--Marketing and Coaching Coordinator at an Independent Financial Firm, starting at end of June. It's a very good salary. It's got the potential to be anything I can make it (there is NO marketing department now--I'm creating as I go). It has the potential to be a train wreck. It's funny, because it's the kind of job that I sort of expected an Amherst degree to provide me when I graduated. Not that I expected this salary straight out of college, but I expected to be considered for this kind of renaissance position, a little writing, a little design, a little management, a little planning and coordination--liberal arts, in other words, and of course, there really were no positions like that going or company's willing to take chances on untried talent--at any salary. Or none that I was able to find. Of course, I'm over 10 years out of school and I've done lots of things that give me added value, but I'm actually not that "…

Week of strange dreams

Lots of first days of school, one of having apparently skipped a class for a month and being offered a way out by a teacher. Probably stemming from the fear of this new job.

Dreamt I was a celeb (or treated like one) and went to see the Rolling Stones with Mirror's wife. Met Mick in the dream and someone else famous like it was no big thing and neither had accents. Lovely time chatting with Mirror's wife, my friend A, which I did in fact do Friday last, but cannot imagine a universe where she or I would go see the Rolling Stones.

Dream where I was sitting with two friends from high school who were popular (I was not), when current boss came up, asked for something and offered to dig in my purse for it. I knew I couldn't let him see what was in my purse--stemming from secrets having to be kept re: new job. The two girls--well, my mother always holds them up as examples of "successful" classmates--do I think I'm successful now? Popular? Grown-up? with my s…

Thank you, Matt

I used to comment after people's comments, but I don't think people go back to look at comments they've made on other people's pages (well, sites with large readerships perhaps). So thank you, Matt for the words of encouragement. I remember when I was young and really thin ('93 or so--see L'Arc blog) when I could eat a steak dinner, be five pounds heavier when I went to bed than when I got up. Skipping a meal could lose me five pounds then.

Happily it looks like those four pounds are pretty solidly lost, when I checked yesterday and today. That's why I was only looking at the scale once a week so I wouldn't get discouraged. I'm hoping it's not just water. Back on the treadmill yesterday and today.

I now understand baseball marginally more (about .001, as a matter of fact :P). I hope your ultimate games are going as well, Matt! I am reminded of the explanation of Blurnball in Futurama--which unfortunately does not seem to be on YouTube. MULTIBLURN …


I've gained two pounds back. Trying not to to be devastated and discouraged. It was a very stressful week AND an office birthday and I didn't get to the gym as much because of things going on.

Otherwise, I was batting a thousand (do you know, I don't even know what that means in reality, not as a cliched expression for success). Talked to a school. Went to bed most nights around 11. Did something else big I'll write about tomorrow after the relevant parties have been notified, just in case. Threw the office birthday party. Met with a good friend, talked another friend off of a wall and did it well, I think, had some good ideas for another friend's wedding decorations, and if I did not make the costumes I've been hired to make, I have everything I need to make them which I did not have when I got up on Saturday. Even had an eerie run of my own personal game of identifying movies in a single frame, including, bizarrely films I have not seen, but identified through…

Speaking of Downloading

Yes, I do it under the radar.
No, I really do still buy CD's after I find out if I like them.

The one big drawback of downloading (well, leaving the sound quality out and not having the liner notes and possibly lyric sheets) is that sometimes people put things up wrong.

A few weeks ago I was driving down the highway listening to one of my old favorites that I'd only had on cassette, Bowie's 'Never Let Me Down' which I know most Bowie fans hate, but I like selected songs--most particularly the title track. The title track is right in the middle, and I'm stuck in traffic, so we've run through the first half and all of a sudden something comes on that I KNOW isn't Bowie, certainly not 'Never Let Me Down,' but vaguely familiar when I realize that it's a COVER of 'Never Let Me Down Again,' by Depeche Mode done by some metal/punk band with both a male and female lead singer. How did anyone ever think that was Bowie????

So now, I have to find t…

Ok, I had to find out if I could do it

Well, that was absurdly easy. Have to say Blogger being bought by Google has made it damned easy to do things.

So yes, I love Laruku. This is their new single--I didn't like it at first but it's growing on me in a mad way. Very bummed that there's no date for a whole new album.

I've been trying to avoid L'Arc because, well, because I've downloaded a lot of other music and I was trying to give it a chance, but also to see if I really liked them if I didn't look at Hyde, and you know what?

They really are my favorite band. A day without L'Arc is ... rainbowless.

And I'm still trying to not look at Hyde because what really is the point of crushes? I'll never meet him. I probably wouldn't like him if I met him. He assuredly is not going to fall for me. Plus I really like him best between oh, '95 and '98 and he's not going to look like that again. Come to think of it, I probably like myself best for how I looked around '95 (no, probab…

Wow, it really works

Last year a penned a very long couple of posts about how fabulous David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas was and someone googled and commented. How cool is that?

Or it's spam.

But I don't think so--he didn't ask me to visit his blog or buy anything.

Speaking of Dr. Who

Neil Gaiman has a lovely intro he wrote for a Dr. Who novel in 2003 just before the BBC brought it back and reinvented it. All fans have a non-canonical Dr. Who in our brains. Just a thought.

My mind is wandering

Oh, man, I finished that blog and couldn't think why I started it. My brain is going in way too many directions this week.

The reason I started it was that on Unbelievable Truth, history of the underground, a true fact was that most suicides by subway train occur at 11 am. And the panel said, "You hear there's a delay and you don't think, 'Oh, some poor sod,' you think 'Damn, I'm going to be late.'"

It took me 1 hour 15 minutes to get to work on Monday morning and when I checked traffic I heard that there had been an accident and I was mentally cursing some Beemer driver in a fender bender. When I got to work and checked the news I learned that 3 to 6 cars had been involved and 12 people had been taken to the hospital and I felt like a shmuck.

More on Anglophelia

Most people don't realize this, but much of the God-awful shows on television are the fault of the British--almost all of the reality crap like Survivor, and What Not to Wear, and many of the recent game shows--Weakest Link (obviously because they brought the singular host), I believe Identity and Deal or No Deal but DoND may have been based on a really old American one.

Anyway, they never bring over the really good stuff (or if they do they make it worse). Coupling for instance. Red Dwarf. Speaking of RD, I feel about this as The Cat did when "claiming" his territory with a small spray bottle (figure it out), "This is mine, this is mine, this is mine. Except that. I don't want that." I'll take the clever and dark without the inane, thank you. I guess The Office is the exception that proves the rule.

What I'd like them to bring over (besides Dr. Who which shouldn't be touched by American hands--I like my Dr. as Victorian gentleman and all attempts…

We are our mothers

It's been a crazy week. More about that later, but part of that was visiting Mass Art on Tuesday to see the end of year exhibit for the Industrial Design program and speak to the head of the department about the certificate program. He was a rather unpleasant man with terrible halitosis--which is not a reason not to go to a school, I realize. He was just rather abrupt as well. Essentially he told me that the certificate program is like getting a BFA without having to do the core curriculum year, and I made small talk and said, "Oh, I didn't even have to do that at Amherst--Amherst doesn't have a core curriculum." And he said, "Well, that's not my problem," and moved on. In other words, stay focused on the case at hand.

It felt rude of him, of course, but it made me think of all the times in my childhood when my mother would babble some meaningless or irrelevant comment to people who either couldn't care less, or were trying to stay focused…

Isabelle Blow Dies

I have pictures of her hats at my old Hat-A-Day blog. She OD'd which doesn't surprise me. I think I wrote that I'd like to be her or at least know her. Not so much now. Still made some amazing hats.


I'm getting better--albeit slowly.

Last weekend I spent a grand total of about 8 hours playing video games--six of those late at night.

"My name is L and I am an addict."

On Saturday night I was so cross at myself about playing on Friday night that I made the bold decision to sew a dress together that I had cut out the year before. It went together well--I worked on it much of the night. It's not done because I had a brainstorm about how to make it better (a problem I fall into often).

Then, after blogging extensively on Sat. night I was so proud of myself that I said, "You can have one or two little games before you go to bed." And that's why I went to bed at three am.

I really am an addict because while I don't miss work, and I don't spend money, I do think about it when I'm not doing it and I use it as an avoidance technique for the things I need to face.

On the plus side--after weighing myself on Sunday morning I decided--this is it, this …

More on Keeping Mum

One thing that did occur to me about why this was not a particularly successful film--it went right past a lot of Americans--too British, and for the British, it echoes something said in The Young Ones:

(On the popular British sitcom The Good Life--called Good Neighbors in America) They're just a couple of reactionary stereotypes, confirming the myth that everyone in Britain is a lovable, middle-class eccentric - and I - HATE - THEM! --Vyvyan (Adrian Edmonson)

I probably have a strong belief that Britain is inhabited by people like those in sitcoms and would be bitterly disappointed if I did move to Little Barking. Of course, flipping past Love Actually where a character is off to Wisconsin to meet American babes--it works both ways.

More on Cod's Mysterious Ways

One of the things that I love about being Jewish, is we think this probably has happened, more than once. But part of being an old,old religion is we adopt and reconfigure interesting ideas so they fit in to our worldview. You can always find a sect or practice to get what you need. --Red Queen Day

Sent me this in response (rather than adding in posting--come on, people, make me look popular).

Yes, and Christianity has lots of sects too, but what you want is not always what you need, and vice-a-versa. Rather like schools of acting, as a matter of fact, and you'll notice I'm not acting.

Cod's Mysterious Ways

Last weekend we watched "Keeping Mum," a lovely little bit of British kerfluffle (which I realize is not quite the proper use of the word, but I think it works here--see related post), with Maggie Smith, Rowan Atkinson, Kristin Scott-Thomas and Patrick Swayze (yes, he of the flowing hair and dirty dancing--whatever). It is not a great film, but funny and sweet (and dark, of course), rather like an old Pinewood Studio pic. This is not a review of the film--it's too lightweight to bother.

Rowan plays a bumbling, absent-minded vicar in the tiny town of Little Wallop (if I ever get to move to Britain I want to live in Little Barking), rather like the character he played in "Four Weddings,..." also with Kristin Scott-Thomas. The story is rather a dark version of Mary Poppins--Maggie arrives and brings a family together and solves all of their problems (only she does it by bumping off the things that are troubling them). She suggests to the Vicar that he try some humo…

Wander and ye shall find...

This is the fundamental dilemma of the internet--you start looking for one thing and then there's so many inviting things to look at...

I was looking up the word "kerfluffle" for another post (I like to look up words while I'm writing to make sure I haven't been misusing them for years and that I've got the spelling right, etc.) and found this.

(I especially like his comment, "So when an incident like this one arises, it's not enough to point out an error; they must prove that the error had nefarious origins. In some places on the Web, everything happens on a grassy knoll.")

It quite brilliantly sums up many of the things I've said in this blog. Why is the web SO angry? I was also reading an article this week regarding the hate mail that many female bloggers seem to get (which was countered by men saying that they get them too). While I'd like to have reader…

The week

It's been a tired week. For reasons that women understand--and I won't go into. It's made me a little down, possibly for the same reasons. Just trying to get back into the swing of things, while futher considering my life choices (or lack thereof).

Went out with an old friend. She is my oldest friend, in the sense that of my still current friends, I have known her the longest. We have been friends for 20 years (20 YEARS!!!). We were talking about how we always seem to end up talking about underwear (one memorable time--how ratty a pair of underpants has to be before you throw it away), this time about push up bras and the weird sensation of saying, "Hello, World, these are my breasts," esp. when (like me) you've never really had a lot to show off. (Cultural reference flashing in my head--Designing Women). I think we may end up talking about underwear because we really don't have much in common. We never did. Our friendship was founded on being cynical at a…


The reason I was looking for the etymology of Concierge last week was because it's a level in our organization above Leaders and below Elite. Concierge? I'd always wondered about it, but my husband really brought home how odd a choice it was--isn't that the little old lady in European apartment buildings who spies on the tenants for the landlord. Pretty much, yes. Evidently it comes from "fellow slave." Who at Met picked this? I mean, I could understand if they were saying, "You (the agent) are a concierge to your clients," but then the other two categories would have to agree, like "Servant" and, oh, I don't know "Obsequious." But since I don't quite think that's how most agents view themselves, I don't understand why it was chosen.

A bit of nothing

This week is turning into a vanity week. I only go through them every few months or so. I'm really (husband's opinon to the contrary not withstanding) pretty low maintenance. Dyed my hair last night after feeling that everyone could see my roots last week and painted my nails tonight. I go through mad phases where I dye my hair at 4 or 5 week intervals two or three times and then I get really tired of the bother and dye it dark brown and let it grow out. The nails I'll maintain for 3 to 4 weeks and then they'll start to break (they grow pretty long by themselves--too much protein in diet) and I'll clean them off, trim them down and not look back until the next vanity time.